Judge Books by their Covers

I believe in judging books by their covers. That’s why I own three guitars and a ukulele. People come to my house and instantly think I’m way cooler than I am. It’s fantastic. I can then make them think I’m way more humble than I am when I shyly refuse to play for them. Win, win. Please continue to judge on appearances. It helps posers like me.

I Beet Cancer

For a few hours this week I was certain I had cancer. I was contemplating how I would react when the doctor read me the results. I kept trying to come up with excuses at work after the first scare. Maybe there was something in the toilet that caused the coloring. It wasn’t until I went home and the same thing happened that I ran out of excuses. I needed to call the doctor. My loved one’s faces flashed before my eyes as I visualized breaking the news to them. I even thought of a video that I would make to surprise them with at my passing.

On the way to my soccer game, I again was trying to figure out if there was any other possible reason why this was happening to me—I didn’t drink any punch, I had only eaten ravioli with alfredo sauce—nothing. And then it hit me; BEETS! I had eaten beets, and a lot of them, with my pasta. That was it! I had never eaten them before but it seemed like a cruel joke that they would like to play on a novice. I called my mom to tell her the great news. It may not sound very exciting to you but for a minute there, I beet cancer.